yippee ki yay....

You see as a kid I never grew up thinking I was pretty, or popular or smart. I was born with some really bad health issues which pretty much made me an outsider at primary school and secondary. I was born with severe eczema and asthma... if you don't know what they are.....

google it.

So anyways yeah having this condition I'm not going to lie made my life pretty crap growing up. I was teased all day and night about how weird my skin was, why i couldn't stop scratching and I had special creams instead of using dove and freaking nivea. Like seriously I got teased for not being able to go to a sleepover and use Amy's freaking nivea which apparently just wasn't cool enough to hang with the cool kids :P Ok so moving on from Amy's stupid sleepovers full of my little pony and minnie mouse. Oh and incase you don't know, I grew up on transformers, batman, die hard, ghostbusters and finally we reach.....Star wars. So my little pony wasn't really ever on my agenda at the time. anyways so yeah has eczema.. blah blah.. got teased throughout my childhood... meh meh meh... die hard.. yup yup yup. So there was this one day I finally got sick of the name calling and poking and staring that I decided to take action. And there was this one kid like 4 years above me who just loved to get on my nerves about it and loved to see me cry over it. Which I did a lot of. Like throughout the years I'm sure I could have created a new thames for crying out loud. So on this particular day I refused to take this kids crap anymore and said to myself the moment he tries it I'm going to tear out he's heart with it still beating in my hands. Just like in Indiana Jones :P ... God what a movie. Sorry I always seem to get off topic but yeah so it was just after lunch and I could see this lanky ass kid leaning on the wall of the playground as if he was the son of the bloody godfather with hes posse at hes side.

I could hear him calling me scaly face when I walked past. At first I just ignored him and thought be the better person. Violence isn't the answer. Then again John McClane would have kicked hes ass. And having watched Die hard so many times. One other answer was there then to beat the crap of out this kid.
So there I am walking back towards "lanky" and hes friends. Step right up to him and say.

"Shut your mouth, before I shut it for you"
at this point the kids got this shocked face on and hes posse start doing the typical.
"Ah mate you got told by a year 1!!"
And obviously he wasn't having any of this so he says to me.
"F**k off scaly before I do some damage"
Of which I then step closer and say
" Bring it lanky"
So then the "posse" see this as a challenge and start shouting out "fight fight fight fight fight", gathering a crowd around us. At this time pretty much everyone is cheering on this lanky f***er, probably because they didnt want to get their ass kicked. And hey, who's to blame them. I pretty much though it was doomsday for me, but I simply couldnt back down now. So things start to get pretty heated, we're just staring at each other seeing who gonna make first move. Then some absolute douche goes "Just deck her" and without any hesitation he punches me right in the eye... (like the pussy he is) so I'm on the floor holding back my tears when a rage inside me just takes over. I get up and climb on the assholes back constantly punching him in the head and kicking hes back till he fell on the ground. It took me a while but once I put him down. I kicked  in the stomach, back AND bum! wherever i could get my foot in really. Few minuets past and one of the teachers grabbed me and sending me to the headmasters office. Mr lanky was still on the floor crying like the little bitch he was.

I think thats the only day in my life I've felt ridiculously epic. And you wanna hear what topped it off the most, and why I remember it so well.

At home time I saw him getting picked up by hes mum. And I looked dead straight at him and simply went.


"yippee ki yay, mother f***er"

Now that my friends. Was a bloody epic day :)

A Mothers Memories

I love those moments when me, my brother and mum are sitting around the TV just enjoying a good old film where something pops in my mums head about things she'd remember the funny things me and brother would get up to when we were kids. You see me and my brother are like best friends, we annoy the hell out of each other, tease the crap out of each other and beat the crap out of each other but hey, thats love for you.

One memory thats always stuck in my mind was the first time we took a family holiday to Ghana. At the time I must have been about 2-3 years old and not going to lie the biggest mummies girl in the history of mummies girls. my mum was telling me there was one night where she had to go into town with my uncle to get something, lets bare in mind, it's Ghana... town was FFAARR! She tried to sneek out of the house without me knowing so I couldnt cause a fuss but the first moment I heard the car engine turn on and my mum not in my eye range. The light bulb came on brighter then ever. I legged it to the front door trying to chase her down, but my aunty grabbed me trying to pin me down. But being the little spider monkey I was, was able to free myself from her grasp just in the nick of time. By then the car had just about to start moving so being the crazy monkey I was jumped on the moving car screaming my lungs out for my mums attention. At the time I thought it was a pretty freaking awesome thing to do, but then forgetting I was in Ghana with a very strict african family. Once she got my little monkey grip off the car my aunty dragged me back into the house and gave me the beating of a lifetime. I remember crying for so long but then thinking, jesus I'm like John McLaine from Die Hard. See whenever I tell my mates this story they always say "oh.. that explains a lot. So yeah thats just one of the stupidly mad tales of which behold in the Burndam household.

I keep thinking about how my kids are going to turn out, seeing how when I was as a kid I dont get how my mum did it. She is truly an awesome woman.